I had the ‘pleasure’ of working with a neurologist who reminded me of the famous T.V doctor ‘House’ – he seemed to know what he was doing, but when I tried to ask a question, he curtly cut me off and quickly rushed me out of his office after writing some notes on my chart.  I felt hopeless and angry.  The second neurologist I visited asked me a list of questions to understand exactly what I was going through before he attempted to perform any medical testing. He offered to answer any questions that I had and only when he had listened to everything I had to say, did he offer his opinion or give medical advice.  This is probably why he came well recommended and why it took me 3 months to get an appointment with this very successful doctor.

We all demonstrate active listening skills when the need arises. Whether it’s on a date with someone you are trying to impress or with a boss that we wish to be recognized by. Whatever the case may be, there have been times when we wanted to listen and we did. As managers, we know the basic rules; nod your head a few times and total silence is not an appropriate response. We have the skills to keep the conversation going and to give the other person the freedom to openly discuss what they think is important.

Managers will find the guidelines below invaluable:

1. Show genuine interest: You may be in the middle of doing something, but in order to encourage the other person to continue speaking, they should know that you have their undivided attention and are genuinely interested in what they have to say.  Stop your mind from wondering and focus on the subject being discussed.
2. Suggest another time if need be: At times it may not be possible to devote time to the conversation at that specific moment. Let the other person know that you have something you need to finish and suggest another time and place that you can meet at which will be more convenient for you. This kind of honesty shows that you regard whatever the person has to say as important and you want to be able to focus on them and only them when you are speaking. Avoid distractions
3. Drop any emotions, opinion or bias: Acknowledge that you may have your own views on the subject matter, and then let them go until the other person is done talking.  This will allow you to listen to the other person without offering your own viewpoint.  
4. Get rid of all distractions: You can turn away from your monitor or turn it off, silence your phone or close your door slightly.  These small gestures indicate that the speaker is the most important person to you at that specific time and you want to hear what they have to say.
5. Use your senses to listen: Nonverbal behavior has been known to constitute approximately 65-80% of all communication.  To show that you are actively listening, make your body face the other person and, if you are sitting down, you may want to lean forward a little. Maintain eye contact without staring, and relax your hand in such a way that you appear welcoming and not bored.  Nod your head to show agreement or understanding, and make sounds such as “mmm’ or say “I’m with you..” to show interest.
6. Hear what the other person is NOT saying: Does the speaker have red puffy eyes? This could indicate that they were crying before they decided to speak to you. Are their hands resting on their hip? This could mean that they are angry.  The speakers’ tone of voice will help you to determine if they are excited or upset. It will give you an idea of the motive behind the talk.
7. Respond with questions: When something is said that you do not understand or if you need further clarification, ask questions. You may even paraphrase what the other person said by saying “what I hear you say is..” This will allow the speaker to correct you if you are wrong and will give them an opening to continue talking or explain further.  Be careful not to sound condescending.
8. Be honest and open: This involves remembering the golden rule ‘treat others the way you would want to be treated’.  Openness, frankness and genuineness on your part and to yourself, will allow you to decide how best to handle the situation at hand.

If you want someone to open up and develop trust in you, actively listen to what they have to say.  It is the best way to resolve conflict and avoid misunderstandings.